the tears that almost came.

I found an old writing book between my sister and I, and one of the last entries was briefly about you.

Jokingly, she asked "are you going to keep your last name, or are you going to have his?"

I had a brief moment where I glanced off into the distance and smiled at something that only I could see.
swallowing hard, I closed the book and went to sleep.





Today,

I searched your name, knowing that I wouldn't find anything.

Once again, my eyes fixed on a distant place, and another smile was drawn lightly on my face. Your memories always leave me with a far-away smile.


I'll never admit it aloud, but the soft taping of my keyboard will whisper what i'm too sad to admit.
you were supposed to be it, and now, since the person at the end of my string is gone, all I'm left to do is reel in the line, with nothing at its end.

I can meet thousands and thousands of happy faces that fill my heart with joy, but somehow I know--deep deep deep down inside--- it was supposed to be you that I pulled in close to me.

I should have reached out to you when i could have.
**Winnie.