Blog Archive

10.02.2009

you can't always get what you want.

so, i have no passenger side-view mirror.
I don't want to go over the details (again)
but this mini-melodramatic moment has made me think about choices...

i posted (as a facebook status update "question") choose: destiny or choice...

and I posted "destiny."

I do believe in destiny, but had I chosen to leave 3 minutes later from the office, maybe I would've missed the guy altogether, or maybe, since he was an obvious reckless driver, maybe we would've hit me head on, or rammed into my side of the car while I was pulling out from the office driveway?

it's hard to say.

I think about those things every time I drive, every time I'm stuck in traffic, or behind a slow driver that I never (ever) overtake,
all those times when I leave 6 minutes later because my coffee wasn't ready, i think
maybe I'm purposely being slowed down or sped up because it's what's supposed to happen, I'm supposed to avoid those cars, or i'm supposed to avoid those people, or that i'm simply not supposed to be on the road yet.

there are so many times, when I leave a little later, and when I'm driving on the freeway, I'll spot a fresh accident. And I think to myself, had I have left earlier, that may've been me.

But, today, from the early morning, I had a police car follow me from (literally) my drive way until I was by renton road (that's a fairly long distance)--and it was purely coincidence, he just happened to be leaving the exact same time as me.

I kept wondering..."omg, why/!?1!? I'm late for work, and I need to drive there--a little faster--"but i didn't. i couldn't.

I should've took that as a sign to slow down and be more cautious...maybe if I slowed down, I would still have a side view mirror?

i think this is a lesson well learned, and something that should be implemented in all avenues of my life. I need to take things slow and cautiously. I'm not saying i'm going to be a grandma, or a boring tortoise, no no no...not at all...

but for the past 3 years, i've put time limits and dates, and deadlines to everything. i've sped through a lot of decisions, (look at california, I decided to go there in a month, and was back in 5...reasoning, i didn't want to waste time.)

I rush into love because i need instant gratification. why am I so sad tonight, you may ask (you keen reader, you) because beau didn't immediately answer my text message, and I wasn't the first person he called when he landed (did i mention, we're not in a relationship, nor have we saw each other but once after 10 years...... yes there were many phone conversations in between *girlish scream* but nothing MAJOR...)


yes, yes, yes, you've pegged it right, i'm crazy...

that is, and has always been, the answer to many of my life dilemmas. I'm crazy.

But, I can't do anything about that...i like that about myself.

the problem that I CAN seem to tackle is I can't seem to take my time and do things "right."
I make beanies in 30 minutes, and even though a couple of strings are loose, they're done.
I do everything so quickly, and usually not efficiently, but this time...the importance of slowing down has "hit" home. (pun intended)

i want to really take my time and figure shit out, because taking time to do things right the first time actually will save me time (and money) from trying to pick up and salvage any broken pieces that fall off when the shit falls apart.

there are 10 million things that I want to get done in a day. If I could, I would strap on a cape and save the planet, beat up the bad guys, be home in time to make dinner, and read a story to my metaphorical children (my maternal clock is ticking, can you tell?)

but, shoving activities down my planner: like teaching classes monday through wednesday, trying to fit in a work-out schedule, as well as make beanies, and study for the praxis *which I just spent 120$ on* may be a little much when it's just me coordinating everything. Yes, i love multi-tasking, but i don't like being burnt out...

so i'm making the choice to refine my destiny. because, although the title of my blog says, you can't always get what you want, I do believe (deep down inside) that you CAN always get what you want, if you learn how to get what you need.

and I need to learn how to slow things down.

love to each and every one of you--even those of you that I secretly say I don't love...I actually do.
**winnie.

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