Blog Archive

3.07.2011

deeper than the bluest sea.

It took about 3 years for it to sink in that my father was really gone.


I was 16, and was at my dad's grave on my birthday...
everything was fine. no tears. I just stood in front of the wall with his plot staring back at me.
I left flowers and said my prayers and slowly walked away with my mom.
Up until that day, I was kind of a young robot that just went through the motions. Leave flowers for daddy, say hello in my thoughts, and drive away.


Right before my mom and I got to the car, a huge gust of wind came out of nowhere. It felt like it was only wrapping itself around me. All of my hair, which was past my shoulders at the time, blew back and my face was completely exposed. I could feel the wind like a sheet of coldness spread across my face like a veil.
The gust which realistically lasted for about 5 seconds dragged on and felt like it lasted for hours. It was like the wind was going right through me while it was enveloping me...


After it passed, everything became extremely quiet, and I started crying, first just wiping the tears before they completely formed from my eyes..but they flowed so steadily and so quickly that my hands were not quick enough to catch each tear.

I couldn't stop crying, and it came harder and harder and harder.

It was at that moment I knew he was gone. He was a part of some universal force which I could only feel, not see. It could touch me, but I couldn't reach out the touch it.
He was gone.







I still believe that he comes to "visit" me, and watches over me closely, and on some days when I feel a strong gust of wind, I remember that moment.
My father became the universe to me, and every star in the sky started to take on a bigger significance than the day before.
I realize that science says I'm naive, but to me, science is a man-made justification to understand the world around us. Equations, theories, and laws all  to make the unexplainable something tangible--something to nod our heads at to say "ahh, I see..."

Well, what makes this so different? 


When I get home late at night, I stare into the sky and smile. Everything becomes more clear, and I see and understand something greater than myself.

Life is a never-ending Love.


**winnie. 

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