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who's going to ride your wild horses, winnie?

Okay, so I have 10 million blogs online.
2 diarylands
2 blogspots
livejournal...the list goes on.

anyway, I was looking through one of them, and i surprisingly had a lot of little poems/snipets of my heart that I kinda liked.
. So fellow readers, it's my time to share.
here goes nothing:

"wish you were here. 5/22/06"

"when we tug on a single thing in nature, we find it attached to everything else."
John Muir

If that is so, I hope to pull on this flower, and find you on the other side of it.
I hope to smile into the breeze and have it smile back at me.

I wish we were visually connected. So that it was completely apparent to the eye. So that we could link hands across a highway. So that no one would die unnoticed. So that we would be holding each other, rather than holding credit cards and cellphones.

It wouldn't have to be all day, and it wouldn't have to be an event marked in history books. I shouldn't have to be scheduled. it should be known. It's not a "hands across america" deal, it's a human deal.

So many of us want it so badly--so badly that we don't even feel it anymore. It's a dull numb tap on our shoulder...and we're too ashamed to turn around.
we're too ashamed to say aloud, I want you in my life.
sad. very sad.
hand in hand, perhaps there really is happiness there?

It's just a thought.
It's a simple thought. A childish naive thought--one that doesn't even deserve a second thought at all.

I'm so afraid of being my self
of crying in front of people i love
of opening up and telling the truth

the real words i wanted to use


real things I wanted to say
mommy, you're my hero. you've always have been, and when i think about how hard you're always makes me want to try harder. i look up to you, and want to be just like you.
but, I couldn't say it...because I couldn't form the words, I don't like crying in front of people. it's my nature. I went into the bathroom and started crying. A smiling face frowns when people aren't looking. you may say i'm a clown...who's always wearing a mask, but that's what I do in hopes to keep you smiling.

you're always there. you're my always. you see me through in all ways possible. you're my always.

"heart broken....kind of. 10/29/2005"

quite depressed, actually.

it is diificult to love someone who is not here, but I don't regret saying it. at the time...i felt that way. I still do feel that way, but reality is setting in. the possibilities of it all...are fading.
he's busy with his life--as I am with mine.
And, as I would like to stay enveloped in the essence of his words, the physical beings around me---happen to entice me.
Perhaps, or problem is that I'm too implusive. much to implusive.
and that is why I feel all of the bumps and rough edges of what is supposed to be soft, smooth, and perfect.
But, really.....
nothing is perfect.

the meaningless is filled with meaning 11/16/2004

if there were words for today, I wonder what they would be.

when everything is the same color, things disappear 11/6/ 04

everything is white
the sky
the shine in your hair
the sheets
your shirt
all white


a lot of the other writings are all sappy love things. I was sooooo goo-goo-ga-ga for david....
sigh. know, I keep looking at my profile picture (of me as a child looking out into the ocean.) I wonder what I was thinking and what I was looking at.
I'm sure the answer to both is: nothing. I wasn't thinking at anything. I wasn't looking at anything. my mind was clear...
I wish I could go back to a time when I could look out into the sky and not have to think about anything.


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