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invisible man

I finished "invisible man" by ralph ellision  this morning.
that marks the 5th book completed for this year.
5 more to go.

I know I frequently talk about my goal-setting and goal-achieving, but, i think it's because i'm actually proud of myself. lol.

yesterday, it dawned on me during one of my unfocused moments, that...I like to do/start things by myself because I don't like sharing the credit with anyone but myself.

Ya, it could be seen as selfish, but if it's my goal, then why is it selfish?

It's not easy to find motivation to read books on my own (especially this last one...mid-section of the book, i literally read a page at a time because I wasn't very interested) but, I finished it, because it was one of my goals.

It's also not easy to knit/crochet aimlessly throughout the night to complete projects (which may/or may not sell) but, I do it because It's a goal to do craft fairs, and to become better at whatever it is I try...
 my eyes and wrists hurt at night, but I do it anyway....(my "goal" number for knit headbands is 10, and i'm at guess what I'm going to be doing today? knitting one more headband.)

I don't know if this determination is something that I've picked up from my parents, or something that I tried to develop on my own, but...I'm proud of it.
 I realize now that it takes the same amount of determination to read a boring book to the end, as it does to go to the university and get letters of recommendation/ put my portfolio together for presentation.

Every birthday I buy a new journal, and at first it was because, i wanted to have an organized chronological collection of my life from my 25th year on...

but now, it's more than that. I can't fill a journal of  300 pages with the contents of a year.  Yes, it's because I don't write in it everyday, but also because...a year goes by so fast. so my journals serve as a visual of "time spent."

When I turned 25 it was like time all of a sudden
accelerated, and before I knew it, I was already another year older. With each year, it just goes by faster.

Of course, there's nothing I can do about it, but i want to make my years matter. Keeping the journal helps, especially on days when I'm down, because I can flip through it and see exactly how my time was spent.

In reflecting on a conversation I had yesterday...
Yes, I'm an anti-social person, and I don't have a lot of friends, but it's because I want my moments spent with only those who i really like. In the same vein, If i'm going to spend my energy doing things, I'd rather it be completing my itty-bitty goals...

I read a quote from John Lennon the other day, and it sums up everything i've been feeling "Time you enjoyed wasting was not wasted." --love you, john....
even though i love yoko more.

by the way.....
my current happiness smiles like the sun.
yay for golden beige.


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