and all the stars are just like little fish.
Occasionally I go through these moments where i want to quit my job and lay in a bed of soft green grass, look up at the sky, and listen to "today" from smashing pumpkins on repeat alllll day.
I'm having that moment.
The kids were so cute and so good today (besides the last class) and the lesson went well, they made really neat images of fire-crackers,
but I couldn't stop myself from staring out of the windows...wishing that I was somewhere else, doing something else, with someone else.
yes, of course, I'm extremely happy with my job, and for the first time in my life I don't feel like my degree was a complete waste of time--after all, I could still be retail queen at sanrio--but,
(long breathy sigh)
i don't know
there is nothing glamorous about teaching, and being a diva to 5 year olds is just plain stupid...because, despite the fact that I spend hours dreaming of dancing all night long with heavy make up and fake eye-lashes, I still take my job (kinda) seriously.
I don't know...sometimes having a quote-unquote (<--I like typing out the words better, sometimes) respectable job isn't the ticket. If I were to see one of my kids at zippy's after a night at bar35, I think I would throw up on the table because...I would die if the kids saw me as...human--
and the saddest part of that statement is 1) it's true & 2) It's not like a 5 year old would know the difference or care...
but, I would.
and then on top of that...
I look at the other teachers and think... "oh god"
It's no wonder that what's his face is so boring, because he has no other choice.
It's not like he's going to come to school shirtless with a back full of tattoos, rocking the lenny kravitz hair do, while trying to teach science...(the imagery is sooo far-fetched that it's gross)
It just wouldn't work...and seriously,
let's face it, the nerdy teacher just isn't my type. happy? I said it. lol.
but, to the people I AM attracted to--the kinda crazy/borderline aimless but still dedicated to an artsy dream/fun/unconventional type, I feel like charlie brown's teacher: a muffled trumpet talking noise because i don't know what's up anymore....
is there any justice for the part-time-princess?
hi, i'm transparent.lol.
I've traded in my cool card for a (pretty good) paycheck... but, isn't that what growing up is all about?
something tells me...no.
seriously though...I'm not going to be there for the next 30 years, so this blog was just a waste of time, wasn't it?
I've decided to listen to "crush" from s.pumpkins instead of "today"...because it's prettier.