figuring things out

Dear Winnie, 

I have to figure things out. Can I post from my phone? Then I can add pictures. 
Can I send e-mail updates? then I can do this from anywhere...

It's hard to adjust back to the old when the new was so friendly.


anyway, maybe this is a sign to go back to what you know, because what you know never changes. 


See, there are lessons everywhere, you just have to find them.


This seems to be a theme for me: Lost. 

Since I've read the "Wind up bird Chronicles" from my (new) favorite author: Haruki Murakami. I've awakened my feelings of feeling "lost" 

at first I thought, well, it's because so many new things have happened in the last year. Boyfriend, Cancer, Becoming 30, Wanting to move from Part-time princess status to being a real person.
maybe I'm still trying to find my grounding, and still feel afloat? But, whatever it is, it has lead me to feeling lost. 

My newest painting series is loosely based on Mr. Murakami's masterpiece... 
I'm finding out what creates the blocks in my wall, because really...all walls are man-made, and the walls that bind you are sadly made by your own two hands

So, what make up my blocks. Ironically, for me, my blocks are actual city blocks. 

Location means much to me, I guess. But, it's because i'm having a hard time locating myself. Where did Winnie go? Where is she? Lately I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I don't know why I react to things the way I do, verse the way I think I should...

I just don't get it anymore. I feel helpless and just...unsure. 

I've never been one with any answers, in fact, my life (and all of my blogs) have been centered around deliberation, but...at least I could come across some consequence. now, i just feel like I'm hovering above a sea of question marks. 

the lack of confidence is giving me chest pains. lol. 

anyway, I have to make pasta, so i'll continue this later. 

**winnie.