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long long long long long long long sigh...

It's wednesday...11:36pm. I don't want to read, I don't want to draw. my painting things are in my office...
I went to work today and that didn't really do much for me. I like hanging out with my work friends, but not there...not at sanrio...the whole aura of the place drains me. I got home and totalllllllllllllly fell asleep. yay!

I made more cards, which was fun...i'm really getting into the whole card thing. But, now that everyone is asleep, i can't work on them.

I could have a beer, but....the thought of beer, right now, makes me wanna cry.

I started packing away some things, tying up old books, throwing away useless memories...but, once again...I'm unfulfilled.
today literally felt like it lasted 1000000000000000000000000000000 hours==and the day isn't over yet.

I have a hello kitty bobble head. I've wanted to throw it away for about 3 years now, but I can't seem to do it. It's a Florida kitty. I've never even been to florida.
But, I like looking at it on nights like this. The kitty has an orange for a head (kind of like an orange head cover thing?) and she's holding out an orange in her left paw.
she's wearing an orange dress and has two different green boots on. one is a light green boot, the other is a dark green boot.
she, of course, has no mouth, but it's obvious she's smiling.
It's sooooooo fucking cute. But, I hate it. I can't throw it away. Every time we have a garage sale, every time I decide to give things to goodwill, every time I take things to school to give away...the bobble-head is at the top of the pile. It is the first thing to be put out on display--it's always wayyyyy under-priced (at garage sales.)
But, it is ALWAYS the first thing that I stuff back into my purse. Sometimes, I just want to throw it against the wall so i have no choice but to throw it away....but then I think: "what's wrong with keeping something thats only 4 inches tall?"
One time, at a garage sale, a little girl picked up the orange-florida kitty and kept looking at it. Her chubby little hands grazed over kitty's face a couple of times. She obviously wanted the kitty. The girl's mother said "you don't need another toy"...and I watched (with a smile on my face) as the girl put the kitty down.

Afterwards, I picked up my orange-florida hello kitty and made a silent apology..."how could I? I tried to get rid of you, dear keep me interested on nights that last too long. gomenasai!"

The kitty doll reminds me of me. holding out an orange for whomever need it. not saying much, but obviously saying way too much with the bright outfit...two green shoes, the same color as my treasured stars...
the doll even has two green leaves on her head (they kinda look like antennas)

maybe I should move to florida?


I've missed the point of the whole day.


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