Blog Archive

10.23.2008

the pumpkin patch


I'm in the mood to write. write, write, write. I'll write about my dream last night. you were in it.

we were on our way to a pumpkin patch. it was a field trip. you weren't sitting by me, and it was an issue. we were little kids, but in grown up bodies. You were sitting ahead of me, I could see your head, and I watched it.

In my dream I thought "last field trip we were sitting together, and we had a lot of fun. we laughed a lot and talked about fun stuff! you had the window seat and I looked over you to see the outside--you pointed things out to me, and I pointed things out to you
...this time, we're both at window seats looking out at opposite things." (what a telling dream, no?)
I sighed many times while I watched your un-attentive head sit motionless on your shoulders.

In my dream, I thought...you don' t even care that we're not sitting together, you're too busy doing your own thing, and here I am..staring at the back of your head...waiting for you to look around this bus of people (we don't really know) to find me.

And so I put my blanket over my legs--and kind of close to my head (why I had a blanket on the bus is a mystery to me?) and I tried to go sleep. I thought, "I better just get some sleep instead of stay awake and feel this unwanted feeling..."
So I got comfortable. I was sitting next to someone--my partner, and i remember pushing them to the side a little so that I could stretch my legs out so that I could just sleep. And at that moment, I saw you. It's like you just realized that we weren't sitting together. You just realized you were having a bad time.

I saw your head turn back, but other people's heads were in the way. You were looking for me, and I knew it, so I hid my head behind other people's heads, and I lowered it so just my eyes could watch you search. you couldn't see me, or could you ? I don't know. it was a one-sided dream. you shifted your body, pushing the person sitting next to you--your partner, looking all around the back of the bus for your friend. where is winnie? you thought, or at least...I'd like to think you thought. You could've been looking for the teacher, maybe you had a question? But, somehow I knew you were looking for me.

And I hid from you.

you gave up. stopped looking for me. I saw your shoulders kind of drop as you let out a sigh, and you looked out your window.

we arrived at the pumpkin patch. I saw you get off the bus. I pretended to be asleep. At this point, you had spotted me, but the ride was over. you already had a partner, and I already had mine. You got off the bus, stood next to your partner, while my partner was just waking me up.

"I'm awake."

We stood in line. you in front of me, every once in awhile, turning back to see the back of the line. I looked at the pumpkins everywhere. they were huge. I ignored you again, even though...I wanted to trade partners. I wanted to show you a large pumpkin I saw in the distance, but, I figured...you already saw it.

We didn't talk for the whole field trip.

I remember having a not so good time. I remember thinking, "this is a pumpkin patch! oh my god! why am I soooooooooooo blah. I should be rolling pumpkins around and putting them into the wheel barrow like all the other kids!" but I just stood on the side and watched.

I remember looking at my shoes in the red dirt, not once did I look at the sky.


In the dream, someone stole the pumpkin I was carving, and so I lost this competition thing...and I wanted to cry. I looked through all the children (that now, seem to have been adults) that were in my class, I looked for your face to find comfort and I couldn't find it.

and I woke up
feeling
the exact
same way.

It's 7:41.

a reversal in time.

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