I feel the love of the pretty sun, shining on me.

Even though I complain incessantly  about how busy I am,
I'm secretly so happy to have my mind occupied.
The minute I stop and have time to think about the things i've been avoiding
my brain, eyes, and heart fill with water.


on the 15th of this month
he would've been 30 years old
and I would've called...to say "happy birthday." like I did last year.
maybe, if I have enough courage, I'll visit him on his birthday.

but, I wouldn't be surprised if I lose my courage and avoid it...like I did all those other days after his birthday last year.

I miss him.
I've missed him almost everyday since his birthday last year...

 but, I also missed the chance to tell him so--which hurts so bad.


I still sometimes cry on the way to work when I hear certain songs, or when I get stuck in traffic by LCC.
I used to say "good morning" out loud in my car every time I passed there, because he used to have classes at 7am. And I would think, "we're both up, doing what we gotta do to get where we wanna go..."

I'm going to eventually have to deal with this, but until then...I'm keeping my schedule full, because i still hurt too much.

**Winnie.